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N4Lesson notes · Oct 2, 2026

Forgive in Japanese: How to Say "Forgive Me" (許ゆるす, 許ゆるして, 勘弁かんべんして)

"Forgive" in Japanese is 許ゆるす (ゆるす) — but "forgive me" in everyday life is usually just an apology like ごめん or すみません, and 許ゆるしてください is reserved for serious moments.

English uses "forgive me" for everything from bumping into someone to confessing a betrayal. Japanese splits those jobs across several different expressions, and the one that matches the dictionary, 許ゆるす, is the heaviest of them. If you say 許ゆるしてください for a late train, people will think you are being dramatic. Let's sort out which phrase belongs where.

The basics

What is the Japanese word for "forgive"?

The verb is 許ゆるす (ゆるす). It means "to forgive" and also "to allow" or "to permit". The same word covers both because the core idea is the same: you release someone from a rule or a consequence.

今回こんかいだけは許ゆるす。 — I'll forgive you just this once. (casual, the speaker is the one forgiving) 彼かれのことは、もう許ゆるしたよ。 — I've already forgiven him. (casual, calm, past tense)

Since 許ゆるす is a regular う-verb, its forms are easy: 許ゆるさない (won't forgive), 許ゆるした (forgave), 許ゆるして (te-form), 許ゆるせる (can forgive).

How do you say "please forgive me"?

Use the te-form plus ください: 許ゆるしてください. The casual version is 許ゆるして, and a more masculine, blunt version is 許ゆるしてくれ.

許ゆるしてください。もう二度にどとしません。 — Please forgive me. I will never do it again. (polite, serious apology) お願ねがい、許ゆるして! — Please, forgive me! (casual, pleading, close relationship)

Notice how heavy this sounds. 許ゆるしてください puts the other person in the position of a judge. It fits a real mistake, not a small slip. And in English "forgive me, could you move?" is a polite opener, but 許ゆるしてください would never be used that way. For that, see the next section.

What do people say instead of "forgive me" in daily life?

They apologize directly. Most of the time, the Japanese equivalent of "forgive me" is just ごめん, ごめんなさい, すみません, or the formal 申し訳もうしわけありません. We cover the full range in our guide to saying sorry in Japanese, but here is the short version:

Phrase Feel When
ごめん Casual Friends, family
ごめんなさい Softer, a bit childlike, sincere Someone close, or a real apology
すみません Polite, also "excuse me" Strangers, shops, small slips
申し訳もうしわけありません Formal Work, customers, a real mistake
許ゆるしてください Heavy, pleading Serious wrong, begging for mercy

遅おくれてごめん。 — Sorry I'm late. (casual, friend) すみません、ちょっと通とおしてください。 — Excuse me, could you let me through? (polite, crowded train)

So if you wanted to say "forgive me for being late", the natural Japanese is 遅おくれてすみません, not 遅おくれたことを許ゆるしてください.

Beyond the basics

What is the other meaning of 許ゆるす, and how is it different from 許可きょか?

許ゆるす also means "to allow". The noun made from the same kanji, 許可きょか (きょか), is "permission" in the official sense: a permit, an approval.

先生せんせいは、私わたしが早はやく帰かえることを許ゆるしてくれた。 — The teacher allowed me to go home early. (plain, past) 写真撮影しゃしんさつえいは許可きょかされていません。 — Photography is not permitted. (formal, a sign)

You rarely use 許ゆるす to ask for permission in conversation. For "may I...?", you want 〜てもいいですか instead, and our article on asking permission with te mo ii desu ka covers it. Think of it this way: 許ゆるす is the verb for the person who has authority giving the permission, while 〜てもいいですか is how you, the asker, request it.

What if you want to say "give me a break"?

Use 勘弁かんべんして (かんべんして). It means "spare me", "cut me some slack", or "come on, give me a break". It is a plea for mercy, but it is much lighter than 許ゆるして. Often it is half a joke.

勘弁かんべんして。今月こんげつもう金きんがないんだよ。 — Give me a break. I'm out of money this month already. (casual, a little humorous) もう勘弁かんべんしてください。 — Please, no more. (polite, begging someone to stop teasing or pushing you)

The difference: 許ゆるして says "I did wrong, please forgive me". 勘弁かんべんして says "please don't do this to me". It is about the situation, not guilt. A mother who finds out you ate the cake hears 許ゆるして. A friend who suggests a fourth karaoke round at 3 a.m. hears 勘弁かんべんして.

How do you say "let it slide" or "overlook it"?

大目おおめに見みる (おおめにみる) means to overlook a fault, to be lenient. You use it about someone's mistake you decide not to punish.

初はじめてだから、今回こんかいは大目おおめに見みるよ。 — It's your first time, so I'll let it slide this time. (casual, a boss or senior speaking) 子こどものすることですから、大目おおめに見みてあげてください。 — They're just a child, so please be lenient. (polite, asking someone to overlook something)

大目おおめに見みる is also a kind of 許ゆるす, but it is not about the heavy moral kind of forgiveness. It is about not making a fuss over something small.

Is there an idiom for "let bygones be bygones"?

Yes: 水みずに流ながす (みずにながす), literally "to wash away in water". It means to let the past go and forget a quarrel or a grudge.

昔むかしのことは、水みずに流ながそう。 — Let's let bygones be bygones. (casual, reconciling) お互たがい、過去かこのことは水みずに流ながしましょう。 — Let's both forget what happened before. (polite, mutual)

It is one of the idioms that makes Japanese sound natural when you use it at the right moment. We list more in our article on Japanese idioms.

How do you say "I can't forgive you"?

With the potential negative: 許ゆるせない. It means "I cannot forgive" — not just "I won't". The speaker feels emotionally unable to let it go.

あの人ひとのしたことは、どうしても許ゆるせない。 — I just can't forgive what that person did. (plain, serious) 許ゆるせない! どうしてそんなことができるの? — I can't forgive this! How could you do something like that? (emotional, angry)

There is also the more literary 許ゆるしがたい ("hard to forgive", "unforgivable"), seen in news and speeches: 許ゆるしがたい行為こうい — an unforgivable act.

If you want the vocabulary for being angry in general, see angry in Japanese: おこる and むかつく.

How do you accept someone's apology?

Skip 許ゆるす most of the time. Announcing "I forgive you" is rare in everyday Japanese, and it can sound like a ruling. People usually say:

いいよ、気きにしないで。 — It's okay, don't worry about it. (casual, friend) 大丈夫だいじょうぶですよ。 — It's fine. (polite, everyday) いえいえ、とんでもないです。 — No, no, not at all. (polite, humble, when someone over-apologizes)

The idea is that the best way to forgive is to make the matter small. Saying 許ゆるします would sound like a formal ruling, as if you were a judge. Reply with 気きにしないで instead.

How does 許ゆるす sound in anime?

Anime loves the villain, hero, and avenger lines, and the grammar is simple:

絶対ぜったいに許ゆるさない! — I will never forgive you! (angry, dramatic, a typical protagonist line) お前まえだけは、許ゆるさない。 — You, of all people, I won't forgive. (masculine, cold, revenge) 許ゆるしてくれ…頼たのむ! — Forgive me... I'm begging you! (masculine, desperate, a defeated enemy)

絶対ぜったいに here is the "absolutely, definitely" part. Our article on 絶対ぜったい and 必かならず explains how it works with negatives: 絶対ぜったいに〜ない is "never, under any circumstances".

Notice the tense. 許ゆるさない in the present form already works as a vow for the future. You do not need a special future form.

What is 許ゆるされる?

It is the passive: 許ゆるされる means "to be forgiven" or "to be permitted". It is common in the negative: 許ゆるされない is "not allowed" or "inexcusable".

そんなことは許ゆるされない。 — That is not allowed. / That can't be excused. (plain, serious, moral) この部屋へやでの飲食いんしょくは許ゆるされています。 — Eating and drinking are permitted in this room. (formal, rule)

If the passive form feels confusing, our passive form guide walks through it.

Common mistakes

  • Using 許ゆるしてください for a small slip. It is too heavy. For a minor bump or lateness, use すみません or ごめん.
  • Using 許可きょか as a verb meaning "forgive". 許可きょか is permission, as in a permit. To forgive, use 許ゆるす.
  • Saying 許ゆるします to accept an apology. It sounds like a judge pronouncing a verdict. Use いいよ or 気きにしないで.
  • Using 許ゆるす to ask "may I?" To request permission, say 〜てもいいですか. 許ゆるす is the verb of the one who grants it.
  • Mixing up 許ゆるさない and 許ゆるせない. 許ゆるさない is "I won't forgive" (a choice). 許ゆるせない is "I can't forgive" (an emotional limit). Both sound strong, but 許ゆるせない is more personal.

Practice

Build each answer before opening it. Questions 5 and 6 are a pair — a choice versus an inability.

1. You are late meeting a close friend. Which is natural: 遅おくれてごめん or 遅おくれたことを許ゆるしてください?

Show answer

遅おくれてごめん — 許ゆるしてください is far too heavy for a small slip between friends.

2. Say "please forgive me" in a serious, polite way.

Show answer

許ゆるしてください — the te-form of 許ゆるす plus ください.

3. A friend asks you to join a fourth round of karaoke at 3 a.m. Which sounds right: 許ゆるして or 勘弁かんべんして?

Show answer

勘弁かんべんして — you are saying "spare me", not confessing guilt. 許ゆるして would sound like you did something wrong.

4. What does 大目おおめに見みる mean?

Show answer

To overlook a fault, to let it slide — lenient about something small, without a heavy moral ruling.

5. Say "I won't forgive you" as a choice, in anime style.

Show answer

絶対ぜったいに許ゆるさない — 許ゆるさない is the plain negative: a decision. This is the pair to question 6.

6. Say "I can't forgive what he did" — the feeling is that you are unable to.

Show answer

彼かれのしたことは許ゆるせない — 許ゆるせない is the potential negative: "cannot forgive", an emotional limit rather than a decision.

7. Someone apologizes to you for a small mistake. What is a natural reply?

Show answer

いいよ、気きにしないで (or 大丈夫だいじょうぶですよ) — making the matter small is the Japanese way to forgive. 許ゆるします would sound like a verdict.

8. What is the difference between 許ゆるす and 許可きょか?

Show answer

許ゆるす is a verb (forgive, allow); 許可きょか is a noun (official permission). 写真撮影しゃしんさつえいは許可きょかされていません uses the noun form for a sign.

9. What does 水みずに流ながす mean, literally and in practice?

Show answer

"To wash away in water" — in practice, to let bygones be bygones and drop an old grudge.

10. What does そんなことは許ゆるされない mean?

Show answer

"That is not allowed / That can't be excused" — 許ゆるされる is the passive of 許ゆるす, here in the negative.

Ask for forgiveness three ways, 許ゆるして, 勘弁かんべんして and 許ゆるしてください, in made-up scenes in a trial lesson and hear how the weight changes.

FAQ

Is 許ゆるす the same as "forgive" in English? Mostly, but 許ゆるす also means "to allow". English uses two different words for these, while Japanese uses one verb with context deciding which.

What is the difference between ごめん and 許ゆるして? ごめん is an apology. 許ゆるして is a plea: you are asking the other person to release you from blame. Use ごめん for ordinary mistakes and keep 許ゆるして for real wrongs.

Can I say 許ゆるしてください to a customer or a boss? Only for a serious error, and in practice 申し訳もうしわけありません is more common in business. 許ゆるしてください can sound like begging.

How do I say "I forgive you"? You can say 許ゆるすよ or 許ゆるしてあげる, but both sound like you are above the other person. In real life most people say 気きにしないで or もういいよ ("it's already fine").

Is 勘弁かんべんしてください rude? No, but it is informal and emotional. It works with friends and coworkers you know well. With a stranger, すみません is safer.

What is the difference between 許ゆるせない and 許ゆるさない? 許ゆるさない is your decision: "I won't forgive". 許ゆるせない is your limit: "I can't forgive". The second one sounds more emotional.

Vocabulary from this article

Tap the block to select all of it, then copy. In Anki: File → Import, note type Basic, separator Tab.

許す	ゆるす — to forgive, to allow
許可	きょか — permission, approval
勘弁して	かんべんして — please spare me
大目に見る	おおめにみる — to overlook, to let slide
水に流す	みずにながす — to let bygones be bygones
許せない	ゆるせない — cannot forgive
許しがたい	ゆるしがたい — unforgivable
許される	ゆるされる — to be forgiven, to be permitted
気にしない	きにしない — not to worry about it
申し訳ありません	もうしわけありません — I'm very sorry (formal)
絶対に	ぜったいに — absolutely, never (with a negative)

I'm Yuuki, a Japanese teacher based in Tokyo. I've taught on italki as a Top 1% teacher and watched over 1,500 anime, so most of the example sentences on this blog come from lines I've actually heard learners ask about — including 絶対ぜったいに許ゆるさない, which is probably the first angry sentence many people pick up from anime. For practice with feedback, Book a trial lesson · $13, or work through Japanese practice exercises first.

Sources: the author's own lessons and standard reference grammars.

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